


Intrusive

by hyliank8



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Broken Narrative, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, Past Healthy-Turned-Unhealthy Relationship, Past Sexual Assault, Self-Hatred, Somewhat-Unreliable Narrator, Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, W. D. Gaster is not related to Skelebros, WARNING: Ending is technically open/ambiguous but potential implied major character death/suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-28 17:45:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18761323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyliank8/pseuds/hyliank8
Summary: it hurts, but it's okay.  it's what he deserves.(Short drabble.  Please mind the tags.)





	Intrusive

**Author's Note:**

> Reiterating: _please_ read the tags before proceeding. Also be aware that this is written in the second person, so the word "you" and its variants are used often.
> 
> To clarify, you're seeing this through Sans' eyes, and his thoughts/memories are almost entirely referring to Gaster (not Papyrus).

You’re actually conscious for once when your brother walks by your post.  He’s smiling, walking with his friend.

_she’s the head of the royal guard, and you’re a lazy piece of trash.  you don’t do anything, and everything you touch turns to dust_

When you catch his eye, he waves to you and cheerfully says hello.  His friend notices you as well and joins in on the greeting.  You let yourself wave back, relying on your perpetual smile to do most of the convincing.  

 _meaningless smile, moronic jokes, can’t fix anything, foolish,_ useless

You catch the change in your brother's expression.  You haven’t fooled him. His brow bone furrows ever-so-slightly, and the edges of his radiant smile fall.  Concern.

_disappointment.  you weren’t good enough; that’s why he stopped loving you, why he put his hands on you_

His pace slows to a stop.  His friend continues walking for a moment without him, unaware of his pause, but then looks back at him, confused.  But then she looks at you and you watch the gears turning in her mind, watch the look of understanding form on her face.  Her eyes flit between you and your brother. She doesn’t say anything.

 _they know you’re worthless, they_ all _know you’re worthless; they don’t have to see you like this to know that, sans_

Your brother approaches you, but you avoid looking up at him.  Your hands are trembling, but you don’t feel anything.

_he gets closer and closer to you until your soul is shivering, until you feel like you can’t breathe. he holds you down, forces your soul out of your ribcage, and claims you as his own. it doesn’t matter how much you scream; he never stops_

“Sans,” he says, carefully.  “Would you like to join us on our patrol?”

_he asked you why you stopped begging.  like he was disappointed. you couldn’t speak and weren’t sure you’d have an answer for him even if you could_

“We could use your help,” he adds when the silence isn’t immediately broken.

_...why would you even try?_

“i think i’m okay, bro,” you say.  You still don’t look up at him. You don’t want to see the look on his face.  The disappointment. The hatred he hides so well but that you know must be there, under all of his...  

_love? this is what love really was, wasn’t it?_

“‘m kinda tired,” you add.  “thanks, though.”

_tired, tired, can’t take it anymore_

“Are you sure?”

_the cry for help chokes in your throat.  you could tell your brother, tell him what was happening.  but it’s what you were allowing to happen. you stopped trying. it was your fault.  you let him become like this; you let him experiment on himself, and then you let him use you_

“yeah,” you say.  “i’m actually gonna take my break now.  i’ll be at home if you need me.”

_no one needs you. you’re a waste of space; you were only ever really good for one thing, but now—_

It’s a quick shortcut through the void to land on your bed, and you are able to escape the questions you knew were coming.  He needs to stop wasting his time on you.

 _you’re not worth it.  gaster used to love you, too, before he realized it how pointless it was, how pointless_ you _were_

You swing your feet over the edge of the old mattress to sit upright.  You never sleep anyways; not really.

_every time you close your eyes you feel his hands on you.  it hurts, it always hurts, but it’s okay. it's what you deserve_

Your hand reaches into your pocket and pulls out the piece of cold, sharpened metal that hides there.  You let your cracked soul float from your ribcage to rest in your other, unoccupied hand.

_your soul feels foreign. there's a block of ice at its core now, cold and unforgiving.  you realize the culmination of your being doesn’t belong to you anymore; it belongs to him_

Your soul gives off the same dull, grey light it's given off for months,  maybe even years—time lost its meaning to you long ago.  There’s a darkness under your soul’s surface, rooted at its core.

_you notice the darkness has a distinct purple tint to it the first time you study it_

Cracks mar the surface, each jagged line a reminder of your failures.

_you feel them forming, feel your soul tearing, and you beg him to stop.  you’ve never felt pain like this before.  he’s laughing_

You can’t remember the last time you saw your soul shining with bright, white light.

_you belong to him.  you're trapped, but the panic is a distant memory.  you’re just tired, now_

You stare at the knife as you hold it, study the way the blade dully reflects the grey light your soul produces.  It’s familiar. Comfortable.  Soothing, even; a sure escape, something you've always known was there for you.  You close your eyes.

_nothing left._

You let the sharp tip rest against your soul, just enough for you to feel the pain of it poking against the surface. Just before you move to shove the knife down, you realize you don’t feel his hands on you for once.

You smile.  It’s peaceful.

You’re going to be free.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, you can imagine Papyrus somehow rushes home in time (with his physics-defying abilities??) to stop him. Or maybe Alphys knocks on the door and snaps him out of it, having decided to visit him since she probably understands his warning signs more than anyone else (not realizing he's supposed to be on sentry duty at that time, I guess). 
> 
> I suppose this fic could be connected to that [other](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721968) drabble I published a few months ago?? but it doesn't have to be.
> 
> Anyways, [come talk to me on Tumblr!](https://hyliantimelordin221b.tumblr.com/<a) I'm always rambling about Sanster. And usually it's happy science nerd things, not stuff like this. Usually. hhhhhhh


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